Note: This story was a submission for the Art Union winter contest. Below were the criteria.
Request: 2nd Person Writing Piece Prompt: Found Family
Update: I won! Scroll to the end to see the judges' notes.
You oversee the heating room, making sure that all of the nitty-gritty and dirty work gets done while everyone else… Well, everyone else gets to keep their hands clean. You crank the valves and tighten the faucets and make sure that everything is working correctly.
Today, everything seems especially bad. The biggest furnace responsible for keeping the better part of the building warm and toasty isn’t functioning as normal. Soot and flames keep spitting out of it as if it’s clogged from the inside. You tried banging on it with your shovel, but nothing that’s lodged in there wants to get unstuck easily. You turn off the furnace and wait for it to cool down. You’ve only had to physically climb into the furnaces twice, and you hate doing it. It’s dangerous, for one thing, and embarrassing for the other.
Rain pitter-patters outside the window, like spring’s hand is tapping, waiting to be let in.Winter still bites at the people’s noses, but they know it’ll soon be gone. No season lasts forever, that’s what they all say. Eventually it gets chased out.
Once the furnace is cool to the touch, you climb in. The metal smells of coal and rust, and you gag as you look around for whatever could be blocking up the oven. Then you see the cause of the problem: a soot puppy. There are tons of these all over town; they’re these little black dogs that seem resistant to fire. They enjoy chewing on old ladies’ dresses and stealing shoe laces. Yeah, they like to cause mischief, but, well… They have huge black eyes and little snouts, so everyone has a soft spot for them.
You, on the other hand, have nothing but anger for this black dog. It looks at you, with big eyes and a little dancing flame extinguishing on its ear.
“Hey!” you yell, batting at the creature. “Stop messing with my ovens!”
The creature whines, and you sigh and scoop it out of the furnace. You wipe your hands on your apron, leaving streaks of black, and then push the canine towards the door lightly.
“Go on, dog,” you say. “And don’t bring your friends here! This is a serious business with no room for meddling pups.”
The puppy whines and its stomach grumbles. You groan and roll your eyes. It looks like you won’t be getting much work done today. There are probably more of them clogging up your furnaces, hidden from sight.
“I’ll get you food, but then you’re leavin’, all right?”
The dog nods happily, sticking its little tongue out. The rain has gotten harder, and is now bashing on the shaking window frame. You slide the dog a plate of cooked steak. It eats it quickly, and as you attempt to shoo it, it dashes away.
“We had a deal!” you bellow.
The dog finds a corner and curls up in it, looking out the window. You sigh and notice the scene going on outside.
“I guess it’s a little wet out for a dog…” you murmur. “Alright, you can stay for the night.”
The dog yawns, turns in a little circle, and falls asleep. You crank up the furnaces again, trying to get the heat going before they come down to yell at you. These people can’t go one day without a hot bath or shower. You notice another one of your furnaces isn’t working as it should be. You hope it’s not another soot puppy. One is enough. You peer down into the depths of the giant oven, and breathe out when you notice nothing peculiar. Probably just needs a good hard kick. These furnaces are old and have seen many days, sometimes they just need little boot to get them going.
Then, out of nowhere, a four-legged creature jumps out. You’re left bewildered for a little while, and you barely have time to recover before another jumps out. And another. And another. Soon enough, there are some 15 puppies jumping around the heating room. It looks like a sea of black fur took over the room, and you’re not quite sure what to do.
“Hey!” you yell to no avail.
“Don’t touch that!”
“Stay out of there!”
“Stop licking those!”
“That’s not food!”
After the initial chaos, the soot puppies seem to tire themselves out and find a spot in the room to rest. Some sleep up against a warm oven, while others splay across the dark wooden floors. Their little bellies rise and fall as they breathe, tired from a day full of excitement. The room is covered in black dust as far as the eye can see, but you let out a sigh of relief anyway. You decide to feed your little family of dogs, tossing each of them a piece of steak which they nibble on drowsily. Thunder sounds outside, and all of the dogs twitch simultaneously.
“It’s alright,” you assure them. “Just Mother Nature telling us to stay inside, is all. She’s just cleaning up.”
The soot puppies seem happy with that answer, and they eventually all fall asleep. You make camp in the heating room, dragging over a mattress, blanket, and pillow. Definitely not because you want to make sure they’re not scared or anything, you tell yourself. It’s to make sure they don’t get up to any mischief, of course.
You fall asleep rather quickly, faster than you ever have, really. Maybe this new family of puppies you have is helping with that. It’s weird, you’ve never really had a family like this one before. You sort of like it better than any human family. No matter. You drift into sleep, dreaming about furnaces, fire, and… soot.
Judges' notes:
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LOVELYOTTER // 35.5
THEME: 8/10 CREATIVITY: 8.6/10
TECHNIQUE: 9.3/10
OVERALL IMPRESSION: 9.6/10
FEEDBACK:
I very much liked the use of a fictitious dog breed to introduce the Found Family theme. When the reader first encounters a Soot Puppy, it's portrayed in a similar way as discovering any other pest- but to watch that turn into affection is very well done. I think the piece could have benefited from a little more emotional development, but overall, very good work!
This piece was the best written linguistically and structurally. I enjoyed the speed at which it went and didn't feel like each line was a repetition which is often the case with second person writing. It was incredibly cute and I want a soot puppy.
Awww, I love the soot puppies! Such a cute story. The descriptive language and imagery made your writing very vivid in my mind. I don't have a lot of critiques, honestly. Great work!
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Credits:
- Image: Martha Ressler